anybody out there

Hello?
Is anybody there?
Anybody?

I guess that's fine,Its just me, writing down my most private thoughts ( anybody yet?).

So... I hate life....Now there is a crowed stopper! Not really life's faults that I hate it but its easier to hate it then me!

But really ...the problem is me ( I know its hard to believe) but its true!
I have not taken care of myself at all, I drink ( we are not taking about fruit juices) and eat ( no organic for my tummy) barely exercise ( once a week does not count) and overall just kinda doing the opposite of what I should be doing to increase my odds of conceiving ( don't forget I have endo) But I am quick to complain and feel all down on myself ! I am so freaked out that when I called my doctor to schedule an appointment and the nurse said that nothing is available till after December I went nuts but in a zen like way that freaked out the nurse and she gave me an appointment for October.

I need to increase my odds ( 40% of women with endo are infertile). If I cant have children I really don't know what I will do .