I have not been blogging because I have not taken 2 minutes to myself....seriously I have'nt. But I need to get things off my chest and kinda start from zero!! I need to get things in order so I will be back and YES I will blog....

So I will be back and I have soooooooooo much to say

anybody out there

Hello?
Is anybody there?
Anybody?

I guess that's fine,Its just me, writing down my most private thoughts ( anybody yet?).

So... I hate life....Now there is a crowed stopper! Not really life's faults that I hate it but its easier to hate it then me!

But really ...the problem is me ( I know its hard to believe) but its true!
I have not taken care of myself at all, I drink ( we are not taking about fruit juices) and eat ( no organic for my tummy) barely exercise ( once a week does not count) and overall just kinda doing the opposite of what I should be doing to increase my odds of conceiving ( don't forget I have endo) But I am quick to complain and feel all down on myself ! I am so freaked out that when I called my doctor to schedule an appointment and the nurse said that nothing is available till after December I went nuts but in a zen like way that freaked out the nurse and she gave me an appointment for October.

I need to increase my odds ( 40% of women with endo are infertile). If I cant have children I really don't know what I will do .

stop the world ...I wanna get off!

I don't wanna do this anymore!!! Well.....not really ! or do I? That's the problem...I don't know! I don't know what I wanna do! I don't know if I wanna wake up tomorrow and go to work or just get on the highway and keep driving. And I cant figure out what I wanna do because I'm at an age were I should have it figured out or not wanna or have to take any risks (other then a new look or hair style...oh and new restaurants...I like trying new restaurants) but that should be the extent of it...but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO here I am maybe with a new carrier(have not found what it will be yet),trying to have a kid (no not pregnant yet) and completely confused!

I know this blog has made little to no sense but that's fine because its my blog and this is about all I have control over at this point of my life

Down this road

I have not blogged since my intro but sometimes life (and stuff) get in the way of things!!!It's not like I don't have things to blog about (my life keeps on sending me thru hoops).

And let me ask this.....When does life stop doing that? (sending you thru hoops).Cause really at my age I thought I would have found a road (a life road that is) and would simply over come obstacles on a given road!!!!!! I always thought that I would find a carrier, get married , buy a house, have a kid maybe two ,travel ...etc etc etc...and at one point ( for a brief,very brief moment) I thought here you go The Road...I found The Road!!! And then something just happened...Oh ya I woke up!!! Got a divorce from Monkey Boy ( my ex will be refereed to as Monkey boy) but it just felt like a bump cause then I met The boy but The boy is scared to commit so I am not married,do not own my home and no kid ( partially do to a small health issue). I know what you are all thinking I still have my carrier at The job...well guess what, this week I learned that my boss,mentor,friend and person that had my back QUIT....so there goes carrier!!! and No I am not over reacting....When my cashier looks at me and say ''Oh no this wont be good for you'' then I know I am not over reacting.



So back to the original question....At what point does life simply say...'' OK lets stop fucking with her and on to the next one!!!!!Cause reallly , reallly, I am done .That's it .I can't take anything else going POUF on me!!! I want normal.( no I am not having a burn out).

I dont really know how to start a blog since well.....since I have never writen one so I figure the best place to start is to give an idea of who I am and what I am allllll about....

I live in ....lets just call it The city, I am in love with...he will be The boy, I am in my 30's and I work in retail ( lets call it...The job) I don't have many friends ( they will be introduced later on ) and I am at a place right now in my life where I am trying to either better my self or self destruct.
As a person....well....lets just say I am pleasantly plumped ( if its possible to be those two things at once ) slightly tall ( for my height) and as far as looks go well lets just say I have not made any babies cry. My style is casual, that does not mean I don't have a sense of style but that I would rather dress other people then myself! I don't do make-up often (to the horror of some people) and would rather keep my hair short (even tho I am presently growing it out) .The two things that god blessed me with was beautiful nails and a great set of boobs!!!

This is pretty much a quick over view of who I am if you were to see me walking down the street, as to who I reallllly am? And what I'm about well.... I guess you will just have to check out my blog to find out What all the jazz is really about!